Ok, I'm definitely new to blogging.... but after this weekend (which was quite amazing might I add! more about that later) I've been inspired to start a blog of my own. So, here goes nothing...
Ok, so... for the past 24 years I've been a Carter. What does that mean to me? Oh my gosh... I've never even thought about that before I got engaged! It's such a crazy thought to know that in just a few short months I will be changing my last name and starting a new chapter in my life. I don't like to think of it as completely closing one chapter and starting another, but more like transitioning into a new phase of life. It's so mind boggling to think that just a few years ago I thought something like marriage was light years away for me.
I was raised in a very tradition home. My parents are still happily married after 26 years. I remember thinking that it was so disgusting when they'd show affection in front of me when I was younger. Obviously I am more than thankful that they still can't get enough of each other and I strive to have the same kind of love that they share together. I was never one of those boy-crazy girls when I was in middle school or even high school for that matter. My focus was always on sports or other recreational activities that I really enjoyed participating in. Boys were never a main focus, they were more of an annoyance. LOL. I can remember a time specifically in high school when I was talking with my mom about love and wondering how in the heck I would know what it was. She looked at me with a smile on her face and then glanced over at my Dad and said, "you will know it's real love when a man loves you as much as your father loves me." At first I didn't really understand what she was talking about. Mostly because I still wasn't to the point in my life where I was interested in having a boyfriend and also because I was still pretty naive when it came to love in general.
As the next few years past, I began to realize more and more about the truth in what my mom had told me about love. I fell into my first serious relationship right after I turned 20 years old (yes- I know.. but what can I say? I was a late bloomer). I thought that I absolutely loved this guy without a doubt. I thought that I just "knew" yet there were sooo many signs that were literally falling right in front of my face, but I was too blind to see them and chose specifically to ignore them. I gave everything that I had to this guy and showed him everyday that I could love him for the rest of my days. But, there was always something off about him. For whatever reason, it was very difficult for him to fully express his feelings to me... Almost as though he was scared.. of what? I'm not sure.. and I'm still unsure of that to this day. We had a whirlwind relationship filled with ups and downs. After two years of dating him, he decided that I was holding him back from what he really wanted to do in life and so he broke it off. I was mostly in shock because I didn't see it coming. I was definitely hurt, but something inside of me told me that I would be okay.
A few weeks after the break up, I was offered several amazing opportunities for wakeboarding. I like to refer to wakeboarding as my real first love. It was something that I always enjoyed doing no matter what. I didn't care if I didn't win any competitions or if I got 1st place at all of them.. it was just something that I loved doing more than anything. The feeling of being out on the water and doing what I loved doing more than anything was such an unreal feeling. Wakeboarding saved me from falling into a deep heart ache with my break up. It lifted me up and it made me stronger. I felt as though nothing could break me and nothing could ever bring me down. That is.... until my ex boyfriend saw how happy I was and how much I didn't need him in my life, so, he thought that he couldn't live another day without me back in his.
For several weeks he was graveling at my feet... Begging and pleading for me to take him back. He admitted to all of his wrong-doings throughout our entire relationship and confessed his undying love for me. What a hard thing for me to hear at that time..... It sent a wave full of confusion up and down my spine. I didn't know what to do. He had hurt me, plain and simple, so why should I give him another chance? And then the other part of me said.... If I don't give him this second chance then I may always wonder: "What If?" Ahhhhh those darned "what ifs" in our lives! With my mind bouncing back and forth different scenarios in my head, having him begging and pleading and wakeboarding season coming to a close.... I knew I had to make a decision... And I decided to take a chance and give the relationship another shot.
The first couple of months of being back together were great... and then, like clock work, he fell back into his old ways and those bitter ice cold feet took over him once again. When he broke up with me this second (and final time) I felt as the the walls in my heart had completely caved in. I felt so many different emotions. I was angry at myself for giving him another chance, I was hurt tremendously by what he had done to me.. yet again, I was embarrassed to have to face my friends and family and tell them what had happened, and I just felt sick... emotionally and physically. It took me months to completely get over this depression that had consumed me, but once I was able to pick myself back up again, I was finally beginning to realize, "You know what Becky? You're going to be just fine." And I realized that everything that I went through was for a reason... I didn't know what that reason was or why it had to happen the way that it did, but something told me that I had to be thankful for what I went through.
At this point in my life, the thought of a relationship of any kind was less than appealing to me. The last thing that I wanted was to become emotionally involved with another man. So, I decided that the summer of 2009 was all about fun. I was going to wakeboard as much as I possibly could, party every weekend and hang out with all of my friends as much as I could. And that is exactly what I did. I was "living it up" if you will :-) And making sure that I would just enjoy myself and continue to live a life with no regrets. Well, it was all fun and games until the late summer night of August 23, 2009. This is the night that would soon change my life forever.
It was just like any other Saturday on a hot summer night. I got a call from a good friend who asked if I wanted to go out. Obviously I was down for a good time so I happily accepted his invitation. We started the night out at another buddy's house and participated in a few heated games of beer pong and then slowly made our way down to The Pub. For whatever reason, that night at the Pub was packed! I saw a bunch of people that I knew, including an old friend that I hadn't seen in years, Shaun Vipond. He came up and gave me a huge bear hug and we exchanged the "what have you been up to" stories and then he offered to buy me a beer. He was at the Pub with a couple other guys... One of them was John. After Shaun bought me the beer we continued our conversation with some slap stick jokes and he casually introduced me to John. The connection was instant... and definitely a weird feeling for me. I'd never felt an instant attraction like that before in my entire life. We hit it off immediately. We were cracking jokes, flirting and just having an all around good time. We ended up hanging out that entire night. Bar hopping in good ole Ukiah together all the while having the time of our life.. in Ukiah?! Who would have though ;-) As the night was coming to a close, he was a total gentleman and offered to walk me home- and nothing more. I'm a lady! I don't believe in one night stands! LOL. We had exchanged phone numbers and he gave me a really sweet kiss good night.
The next morning I woke up wondering if he would actually text me or call me. We had such a good night together, but in the back of my mind I was wondering if he was the type who would be disappointed that I didn't "give it up" on the first night... Much to my delight he did contact me around 1:00 and invited me to come over to his house for "Sunday Funday." Now, normally I'd never go to a guy's house that I just met by myself... I'd have to come armed with one of my besties by my side, but unfortunately all of my besties were tired up and I had two options: suck it up and go, or back out like a coward. So I decided, "why the heck not?!" and I went for it. I went over to his house by myself to a house full of people that I didn't really know. I was extremely nervous.... sweaty palms, butterflies, blushing profusely... the works! But I made it happen and I ended up having a blast!
That weekend in August was the start of what has been one of the most amazing adventures of my life. Meeting the man of my dreams when I least expected it and falling so hard for someone so quick is just so unreal, yet so amazing..... Stay tuned...... There will be more on when Becky and John fell in love...... <3
Thanks for reading :-) have a lovely evening.
